The work of motherhood can pile up.
Rather like the dishes can pile up in the sink.
As we move through our lives at this higher level of being that is motherhood, there is much that falls to us and us alone. Love the children, wipe their tears, do the laundry, wash the dishes, pay the bills. And it seems as though as soon we we have accomplished one thing on the list, another shows up to take it’s place. The cycle of work of motherhood is never complete.
At the very beginning of my path my experience of this endlessness was devastating. I was so overwhelmed with the endlessness of it all that I felt i would never be able to rest, that i would be consumed by the immensity and constancy of it all. I felt lost, weak, inadequate and frankly afraid of annihilation.
I hated doing dishes. Why do them now when there will just be another pile the same size or bigger there tomorrow for me to do again? What was the POINT?! If it would never be “done”, then what was the point in the doing of it.
In this way I allowed it all to pile up on me. It became a behemoth on my back that I had to carry around with me all the time. No wonder I was exhausted. I didn’t believe I was capable, no wonder I was depressed.
One day I did my dishes. And to my immense surprise, I found the tiniest shred of peace and fulfillment in the reflection at the bottom of my clean sink. And the next day I found another little shred of peace. As the days went on, and I moved through my resistance, the shreds of peace I found in that reflection began to accumulate.
Yes, life was still chaotic. Life as a mother is always a bit chaotic. Yes, there was, and is, still a great immensity of tasks and responsibilities that I am accountable for. And yet, through it all, my dishes remain a touchstone of sanity in my life.
I drop into that sink. I surrender all my worries, all my fear, all my anxiety in the soapy water and the task in front of me, and one by one, they are all washed clean. Each day, I scrub ad shine my fears and anxieties away, soothed by the warm water and the routine of it all. My sink is always there for me.
Have a look at the bottom of yours. I suspect that you may find the same.