The thing about patience, control and our kids is really about trying to put them, and us in a box that neither of us fit into.
When you are challenged by your kids, chances are you are trying to put them in a box that they don’t want to be put in. Clean your room NOW, because I say so. Because if I don’t say so, and I don’t make you, then I don’t fit into that box that is labelled “Good Mom”. If you refuse to compliantly climb into the box labelled “Good Kid” then I cannot climb into the box labeled “Good Mom” and that feels bad to me, because I want that. Somehow I believe that happiness, contentment, is stashed away inside that box labelled “Good Mom”. And I need to you to do what I say in order for both us to fit the dimensions of that box.
The question is, who created that box? Who is in charge of determining the dimensions of that box? Is it you? Likely not. More likely it’s your mom, the TV, your friends, some expert on the internet. It’s very likely that the dimensions of that box are not something that resonate with who you are naturally. That is why it doesn’t feel good to try and jam yourself into it.
The thing about kids is that they are not designed to fit inside of the boxes we created for them. Just as we are not designed to fit comfortably into the box that society, our “friends”, or our own mothers designed for us. And happiness doesn’t live there.
Paradoxically, the development of patience, while it does seem to fit in the category of “Good Mom” does not come from contorting ourselves or our children to fit into the “Good” box. It really comes from throwing away the box, really looking deeply into ourselves, and our children, and becoming soft and pliable. It comes from a really deep place of allowing. It comes really from throwing away all conventional expectations, getting to know who you are your child are, and then designing your lives to fit the shape of your souls, rather than demanding that your souls conform to the shape society says they “should”.
It is here that contentment lies. It is here that we are free to connect with the truth and the peace that are hidden deep at our core.
Patience really comes from throwing away the box and designing your life, your way. It comes from releasing control, developing vision and having the courage to be the square peg in the round hole that you really, truly are.