It’s all about self care these days. Making your quality of life the top priority. Mani’s, pedi’s, vacations, date nights, me time, and self help books.
Here’s the thing though, it is really easy to misunderstand this as making everything all about you and your well being. Expecting others to put your well being before their own, expecting them to act so that you can “feel better”.
It isn’t about making it all about you. From what I have observed of relationships, self care and well being, this easily becomes selfishness. Making yourself the centre of the universe and expecting all others around you to be responsible for your well being.
This is the exact opposite of how it actually works. More often than not it leads to relationship problems, conflict and and a deep dissatisfaction with your own quality of life. You feel as though you never have enough to make yourself happy, as though you are constantly running on empty And when you do find contentment, it is short lived.
Showing up for yourself is different. It’s all about choices. You cannot expect other people to be responsible for your personal well being. That is your job and yours alone. In this way, you have complete control over what you participate in, and what you don’t. You can choose how to interact with your world, your family, your work no matter how they all show up in your life. You choose your orientation towards the world.
Can you see the shift here? It’s a subtle one, and incredibly powerful. The key is who you deem to be responsible for creating and maintaining your well being. When you make it all about you, you put others in charge of your happiness by expecting them to do, be and believe as is best for you. For example, your kids shouldn’t fight with you because it makes you anxious. They ought not disobey because it makes you angry. Your husband needs to do the chores you expect him to do, because when he doesn’t it’s aggravating to you.
Showing up for yourself changes this picture. When you are practising showing up for your own well being you will handle a kid who is being difficult in a completely different way. You will recognize that he is inviting you to fight, and choose not to participate because it takes away from your well being. You shift your orientation towards this situation by connecting to your calm centre and handling the situation from a place of calm and peace.
The key question is, who do you believe is responsible for your well being? The answer will make all the difference in your quality of life.