It was Easter this past weekend.
As I discussed last post, I am not a big lover of traditional holidays. If I’m really honest, I generally want to tell the obligation to go f*ck itself and do what I want to do instead.
However, I am an adult, I know there are some times when I need to do things I don’t really want to do. And so I put on my big girl pants and I do them.
Let’s start with the four day weekend. It’s a long one. And I generally do my planning on Sunday’s. Except this Sunday I was cleaning my house from stem to stern to prepare it for hosting guests. There’s clean and then there’s hosting clean. You and I both know those are two different things.
So, here it is now Tuesday and I have just finished my planning, and am writing my usual Monday blogs a day late. Yes, surprise. If you didn’t already know, I batch write my blogs at the beginning of the week and schedule them to post Tuesday’s and Thursdays.
Except for this week.
This week life happened. And there was a time not so terribly long ago when this would have stressed me the fuck out. I would have spent a great deal of energy and time being pissed off that life was getting in the way of my priorities. There is a way I do things and a reason for that way. And how dare this obligation come up and get in my way. Screw obligation, I have work to do. This undercurrent of annoyance would have flowed into anxiety and irritation which would have eventually made its way out of my mouth. I would have snapped at my children, been irritable with my husband, not enjoyed the delicious food he always prepares, and generally made things much more unpleasant for everyone concerned, myself included.
This weekend was different.
I have recently fallen down the kundalini yoga rabbit hole, and am in the middle of a 40-day Sadhana practice, which is really just a fancy word for meditation practice. It takes up the first 30 minutes to an hour of every morning, preferably before the sun comes up, and it sets the tone for my day in my mind, body, and spirit.
Knowing this, I intentionally continued to get up at 5 all weekend when I could easily have slept in and continued my practice. I knew I needed the stability it cultivates this weekend. And it worked. What could’ve been a really tough weekend, and honestly it still tried to be, was not so bad. Hard things happened, my kids were kids, things didn’t go as planned, tempers flared (including my own) and yet here I am feeling calm and at peace with all of it.
Rigidity has always led to anxiety for me. Yes, I know what I want. Yes, I have figured out the best way for me to cultivate those things, but LIFE HAPPENS. And learning to make space for it, to be flexible, and to adjust my routines to fit the needs to each day has been a gamechanger.
What doesn’t bend will break.
And I have been broken.
This flexibility was a hard lesson, one that life brings in front of me again and again. I am a slow learner, but I learn.
If you are struggling with rigidity, I feel you. You want what you want, and you know how to get it, but it doesn’t always work. And that’s ok.
How does the idea of being flexible make you feel? A bit ill? A bit anxious? I know those feelings well. For me, I have learned that those are signs that I need to ease off the gas, look around and figure out how to be where I am with more grace.
It’s not always easy to do, but the ease it brings is immeasurable.