You’re not Required to Have All the Answers

Yep, that’s right.

You are not required to know all the things, all the time.

You don’t have to know how to solve every problem you or anyone else has.

That’s not your job.

Cross it off your list.

It’s a relief isn’t it?

I need to reminded of this every now and again. As you may have guessed reading my blog, I am a recovering perfectionist. I like to have all the answers, know all the things, and generally be viewed as a super hero.

Except that in practice it’s exhausting, and if I’m telling the truth, I go through cycles. I super hero along until I crash, and the go “oh, yeah, right. Don’t need to have all the answers. Don’t need to save all the people. It’s ok to have feelings.” And from there I do the work to get back on track.

I’m good for a while, sometimes a long while, but I inevitably slip back into my habit of wanting to be the saviour. It helps me feel in control when things in my life feel out of control.

And it always leads me back to the same place.

So, if I’m not responsible for that, what is my actual job?

I have learned that asking better questions and then waiting for the answers to present themselves is what my job actually is.

Think about it. Ask shitty questions, get shitty answers.

“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Why do I suck?”

“Why do people always hurt me?”

“Why does crisis always come knocking on my door?”

“Why do they hate me?”

Do I really want to walk through the world as a magnet for these kinds of answers? Hell no. Because once the question is asked, the answers will come. I become like a magnet for them. And the answers to the above questions never ever help me. They leave me under my covers, hiding.

(Here comes another Brené quote, consider yourself warned.)

“Don’t walk through the world looking for evidence that you don’t belong, because you will always find it.”

FOR REAL.

When the shit hits the fan, what I have learned to do is ask better questions, and then wait.

“How can I create ease here?”

“What can I delegate?”

“What do I need to help move this situation in the best direction for everyone?”

“Who can I ask for help?”

“What can I learn here?”

“What resources are available to support me?”

I want to be a magnet for these kinds of answers.

See, when I focus on asking the best questions and then waiting for the answers to present themselves, I take all that crazy awful pressure off of myself and give myself some space to breathe. Which is awesome when I feel a bit like I’m drowning.

I have a lot of crazy personal stuff going on right now. And that’s ok. That’s life. I’m not immune. And I would even venture to say that as a person walking a spiritual path that it’s part of the journey. Gotta learn how to navigate in the dark, right?

Now, where’s my flashlight, and where are we setting up camp?

Xo

Steph

2 thoughts on “You’re not Required to Have All the Answers

Add yours

  1. I think this is so many of us. Having been marinated in a culture that values intellectual prowess over spiritual surrender, it’s our default position so much of the time. And letting it go is such a fucking relief, isn’t it?

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