On the Edge of Breakdown

Have you ever had that feeling in your belly that you are on the edge of a full blown emotional breakdown constantly?

Apparently calm but inwardly a pressure has been building. Instincts whispering constantly to either hide or run. The effort it takes to maintain calm so completely demanding that bed seems the best place to stay. Not sleeping, but not living either. Surviving. Existing.

I realized Monday that this is where I’ve been residing. And it dawned on me like a light switch being thrown that I have not been moving my body nearly enough. Hiding hasn’t worked. It didn’t make me feel better to listen to the whisper. It only allowed the whisper to continue. Everything is wrong, your demise is imminent. It’s all going to fall apart. Just you wait. You’ll see.

The last time I felt like this was a couple of years ago. Just before I joined the gym. And so off I marched with my daughter in tow Monday evening to get myself a new membership.

Working from home has such lovely freedom about it, but the problem for me is that I don’t have a drivers license. This means, practically speaking, that I don’t end up leaving the house much. I had left my gym membership behind for Beachbody. And while BB was marvellous, it didn’t get me out of the house. And I could easily slack and not show up for my workouts.

And with all the real life stuff happening for me right now, the pressure of the effects of the cortisol running roughshod through my system was affecting everything; my business, my family, my productivity, and my mental health.

And, no word of a lie, 30 mins on a treadmill later, I felt human again. I felt alive again. I shed the fear, the whisper quieted, and my energy expanded.

30 bloody minutes on a treadmill.

It’s not magic, and it’s not mystical. It’s real life.

And I wanted to share it with you.

A friend said something to me when I was speaking with her about it that hit home,”I don’t believe any human can transcend without sweating.”

A-freakin-men sister.

If this sounds like you, if the shit is hitting the fan and there’s a whisper in your mind to either hide or run, my darling, go for a walk. Get your heart rate up. Burn the cortisol. It’s worth a go, isn’t it?

So much love,

Stephanie

One thought on “On the Edge of Breakdown

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  1. Oh fuck, yeah. When I’m worried about my health, I move, along with with my mantra, “In this moment, all is well.” Because, for me, in that moment, all really is well. Good on you for taking the step to do something. You know yourself. You’ve probably even said it to others, action will break the cycle.

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